I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
