So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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