nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I need to sanitize my soul.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
