he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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