We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
