she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Pants are for mortals
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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