Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
