You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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