i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
