you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
