Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
