i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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