nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
