My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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