After last night, I could never be a politician.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
