i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize