ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
