When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize