we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
