i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize