She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
