Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
