I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
