so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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