I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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