12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
