I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
