I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize