doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
