break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
