Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
