Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
