Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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