my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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