You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
