I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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