Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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