just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
