Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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