isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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