with your own penis?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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