That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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