This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
