Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
