i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
