i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
