Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
