You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
