i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
