I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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