Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
