Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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