i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
