her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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