So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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