Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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