So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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