I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
