the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I smell stomach acid.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
