he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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