When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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