Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
