Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
