Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize