Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
