Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
