dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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