Jerry, you need to find god
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
