It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
