Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
