dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize