Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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