that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
