I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
