you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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