Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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